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Love anyway.......

Every time I think I've done the hardest thing ever in my life.........I face something harder. I have a very tender heart. I get attached super quick especially to dogs. Fur babies have helped me get through some of the hardest times in my life, so naturally I hold on tight. As a person with a tender heart I've always had trouble loving with risk (not like the typical risk you face in loving an animal or a person) but the kind where you choose to love, to open your heart and to give everything you have knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt your heart is going to get broken. The pictures you see above are of the sweetest dog named Jeanie, she is at least 12 years old. She was an inside baby for the first 8 years of her life and then when the owners passed away she was put outside through all kinds of horrible weather. We took her in and got her feeling safe and loved, she even plays some if she feels up to it. She's terrified of storms (understandably so) so sleep is not something I get much of on stormy nights. We took her to the vet and she tested heartworm positive and she's also got tape worms poor baby. I knew when I took her in I was going to lose her fairly soon and I had no way of knowing when that would be. She goes in Monday for her first heartworm procedure at 8am and she has to stay the night in the hospital. This baby is glued to my hip, she follows me and wants to be right where I am so leaving her is going to be very very difficult for me to begin with. The vet felt it was important to tell me that there is a good chance she won't make it through this and she may not be coming home. I can't even begin to tell you how many tears I've cried at just the thought of that. But how much I have learned from this sweet fur baby. I've learned how to push past fear and love knowing I'm going to lose. I've learned to love through heartbreak. The crazy thing is I feel her loss everyday and right now she's still with me. But that has caused me to pull her closer not push her further away. I pray with all my heart that she pulls through this and we get more time with her. But if she doesn't I don't regret a moment. We have so much love to give but because were afraid of broken hearts we so often choose not to give it. I've had my heart broken and crushed so many times I've lost count but I always make it back. Not because of me but because of the God in me and my faith in Him, because of the best husband in the world and because of my fur babies. Remember, Loving knowing your heart is going to get ripped out (loving an animal that you know will die, a child with cancer, a person whose been abused and is lashing out at whoever is closest) is worth the risk. Yes it comes with so many risks but also so many rewards. I'm not going to lie and tell you it will be easy because it won't, it will be one of the hardest things you do in your life! I'm not going to tell you it won't hurt because it will, it will hurt, it will break you and there will be times you really don't think you can make it through because the pain is just too much to handle. But who you become on the other side of that hurt when the love that was there begins to wash over all that emptiness can be amazing.........if you choose to let it be.

Be honest, Be real, Be you

Bobbie De Leon

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